Bootcamp Revisited

Shine your shoes. Do pushups. March. Do pushups. Taps, reveille, do it all again.

I always thought that bootcamp would have been a more enjoyable experience if it had been shortened in length to, say, about fifteen minutes.

Wish granted. The following two-part video covers the entire contemporary bootcamp experience in a quarter of an hour.

Things are different in today's bootcamp: remedial training for those who might otherwise not make it through, computer-enhanced training and women screaming orders in your face.
Part One

But the basics haven't changed. Bootcamp is still about much more than snappy salutes and correctly-stenciled raincoats. It's about the Navy's core values:

Honor. Courage. Commitment.

Taps, reveille, do it all again.
Part Two

Zum Zum Zum-- Mystery solved.

(Final Updates Below )

Don't ask.

Clicking on the play-button below will bring you footage from a 1967 Italian television show. The babe sings a song whose title appears to be "Zum Zum Zum"--either that or she's vamping because she can't remember the words. (I found this on Youtube; you can read the lyrics here .)




She's lip-synching, actually, while a guy in birth-control glasses pretends to conduct an orchestra behind her. The audience is obviously bored out of their collective skulls.

Halfway through the tune, for no apparent reason, a United States Navy Band marches on stage. The bandleader--he looks like a master chief to me--takes the babe by the arm, and they parade around like Professor Harold Hill and Petula Clark on a date. The song ends, the sound man fades in some applause and the audience wakes up.

This is all happening in a foreign language. Can anybody provide a little context here? What's going on? If anyone recognizes this band or any of its members, post it below. I'm clueless.

Update - 4SEP07

The world's foremost internet researcher--my wife--informs me that according to this article at wikipedia, a popular Italian singer named Mina "[sang] 'Zum zum zum', a #1 hit in Sabato sera Spring 1967 series, accompanied by NATO Naval band . . . ."

Update Update - 11SEP07

Mike Beegle knows all; he's playing the clarinet in the video in question.

Acording to Mike, "Zum, Zum, Zum" was a huge hit for Mina. The opening lines translate as "There's a band playing in my head," and the singer further observes that she just can't get that sound out of her head.

So it only makes sense that the CINCSOUTH Band, under the direction of MUCS Jerry Tanguay, should march into her life. We knew there'd be a sensible explanation.

Mike has done his best to recall who's playing with him:

"It was a new edition of the band that reported aboard just before I split for Pensacola. But I can pick out the snare drummer, Romero. One of the tuba players is probably McLandish, I think Lou Hinds had already split by that time. Bones, probably Ed (Fast Eddie) Harris and perhaps Shelly Fine.

Not too shabby at picking forty-year-old names out of the hat, Mike.

None of the Above

There were hundreds of questions on MU promotion exams, but only two answers.

If the question was about music, the answer was "D. None of the above."

If the question was about anything else, the answer was "D. Four Ruffles and Flourishes and the Admirals March."

Sure, there were questions with different answers. But the saltiest of us knew how to play the odds: unless you're sure you have a better answer, you choose "D."

It's exam day. Hundreds of test-takers sit at separate tables in the silent chow hall, etching their futures in columns of ovals with #2 pencils. An MU ponders the possible answers to a question about non-harmonic tones; should he choose "cambiata," "appogiatura" or "accented passing tone"?

"I'm pretty sure the answer is "none of the above," he says to himself. "but I think it's a trick question." He picks "cambiata" because it sounds like a sports car.

This fellow just fallen prey to that dangerous mental aberration, "thinking." Instead of sticking with the tried and true "none of the above," Mr. Genius just thought his way out of a pay raise.

"Uh oh," whispers the MU seated at the next table, who is sweating through Honors and Ceremonies. "I never heard of a 'Minister Plenipotentiary with credentials of Consul General Extraordinaire.' I've already used the 'Four Ruffles and Flourishes" answer nine times. I think I'd better pick another."

There's that pesky "t-word" again; this MU won't be sewing on a new crow anytime soon.

The keys to success in the military have always been attitude, initiative and teamwork; it's action that counts. They don't give medals for thinking about charging machine gun nests.

At least, I don't think they do.

Another Milestone in Music History

1938: Benny Goodman plays the first jazz concert at Carnegie Hall.

1965: Bob Dylan walks onstage at the Newport Folk Festival with--horror--an electric guitar!

2007: Dennis Allard steps up to the microphone at the dinner/dance of the reunion of the Navy Musicians Association and utters the historic phrase, never before heard at an NMA function:

"Are you ready to rock 'n' roll?"

After the big band finished playing for the Saturday night dance, a courageous group of members put on their boogie shoes and played a set of rock tunes. After a only a few songs, this bold experiment had the dance floor filled. (I had to reassure my wife that what I was doing was dancing; she thought I was choking on a chicken-bone while doing jumping jacks.)

The Navy Musicians Association is attracting younger members. As our membership becomes more age-diverse, our musical tastes will broaden.

Personally, I love big band jazz. I grew up listening to my father's Count Basie records, and was astounded when the Navy gave me a full-time job in a big band rhythm section. There's still nothing I'd rather play than big band music.

I'm also aware that the style reached its peak of popularity almost seventy years ago.

So, don't let the addition of some rock 'n' roll to the NMA's entertainment roster get your crackerjacks all a-twist. Big band and concert band will always be the mainstays of the reunions. Those traditional ensembles provide performance opportunity for large numbers of members and provide fellowship as well as great music.

But "Proud Mary" can sit at the table with "Mood Indigo" and "Victory at Sea." There's plenty of music to go around.

Okay, Skipper--You Were Right

In the late 70s, I could recite, for the entertainment of my fellow School of Music staff members, the entire speech that the commanding officer, LCDR Ron van Hoose, routinely delivered at Basic Course graduations. The text of his address is stored in some inaccessible part of my brain, along with the General Orders of the Sentry and the number of ruffles and flourishes accorded to a Minister Plenipotentiary. But I've always remembered the skipper's closing line:

"As ambassadors to the public," he'd say, looking over the ranks of eager, soon-to-be military professionals, "how you look is just as important as how you sound."

These are not words young military musicians want to hear. A new, hard-charging MU would prefer to be noted for his double high c or the speed with which he can render the head to "Donna Lee," rather than his posture or his ability to roll a tight neckerchief.

The 2007 reunion of the Navy Musicians Association culminated in a Saturday-night dinner and banquet, preceded by a patriotic opener provided by a ceremonial detachment from the CINCLANT band. It had been 20 years since I witnessed a Navy band in action.

Looking spiffy for ceremonial gigs was never a major source of pleasure for me. I guess I was more of a "casual Friday, occasional haircut" kind of guy. The phrase "wears his uniform with unmistakable pride" did not often appear in my performance evaluations.

As I sat waiting for the CINCLANT band to enter the hall, I realized I'd be satisfied with a trio playing light jazz. Heck, a cocktail piano player doing a few choruses of "The Lady is a Tramp" would have satisfied me. Why, I wondered, did the NMA organizers decide we needed to hear a bunch of marches from a raggedy-ass bag band?

Then the CINCLANT band took their positions in the ballroom. These young people looked sharp. They filed onto the dance floor and formed ranks with the seriousness and dignity you'd expect from a ceremonial unit performing at the White House. Their crackerjacks weren't just white--they were white white, with knife-edge inverted creases that looked like they'd draw blood if you touched them.

When it came time for the first march, the band met the conductor's preparatory signals with a precise three-count manual of instruments that clearly had been rehearsed with the same diligence as the music that followed.

How did they sound? Judging from the tidal waves of applause after each number, I'd say no-one in that room had ever heard a finer military band. And the middle-aged man in the back of the room, hollering and oohrahing after each number; that guy was me.

I wonder if it had something to do with the way they looked.

NMA Reunion -- After-Action Report #1

I'm sitting at a computer in a public library in Northern Virginia. My wife and I are traveling for a few days while I decompress from the NMA reunion in Virginia Beach last week.

I'll have lots more to say when I get home in a few days, specifically about the sea stories, the incredible music and, mostly, the joy of meeting up with first-time attendees.

But while I'm here, I thought I'd report on my to-do list.

1. The tale of Tex and the fake orders to the Navy Band did not get told. At NMA reunions, sea stories flow like hot lava from Mt. Vesuvius, and you can't squeeze them all in. Besides, Tex was busy telling sea stories about me. Ouch.

2. I did play piano solos in octaves. Very high octaves and very low octaves. This was not due to my smooth and fluid technique; the piano suffered the loss of a few keys in the middle octave, so it was necessary to solo in the extreme regions. Try to imagine a piccolo and contrabassoon playing "Night Train," each in their own comfortable ranges, and you'll understand how much my solos were appreciated.

3. Lee Hudson did not attend the reunion, so I didn't have to deal with that incompetent fool breathing my air. He probably found out I was coming and spent the week hiding out in a cheap motel in western Canada, speaking in a fake French accent and wearing Groucho glasses.

4. I did attend lots of Big Band rehearsals. And jam sessions in the lounge. And bull sessions at the bar. We still swing, baby.

5. I did play Freddie Green-style guitar with a big band. The Seven O'clock Band--named for the resiliency of players who are willing to start rehearsing Rob McConnell charts at 0700 after having soared with the eagles during the previous evening--didn't have a guitar player. Enter Frank Mullen. For the second year in a row, I didn't get thrown off the bandstand.

I'll be back with more when I get home in a few days. For now: fair winds and following seas.