Figure-four Leglock
starring
David Czohara and Frank Mullen
David Czohara and Frank Mullen
and featuring
Ken Davenport
as
the Innocent Bystander
Time: 0800 on a Monday morning, spring of 1985.
Place: Quarterdeck, Navy Band Newport.
As the curtain rises, Petty Officer Mullen is lying on the deck. Petty Officer Czohara is standing over Mullen, one foot between Mullen's legs as he grasps one of Mullen's feet. Various petty officer are drinking coffee and watching.
Petty Officer Mullen: I think this is the point where you twist around.
Petty Officer Czohara: I'm afraid I'll lock your legs together.
Petty Officer Mullen: I think that's why it's called a leglock.
Petty Officer Czohara: Right--Greg "The Hammer" Valentine's famous finishing move, the humiliating Figure-four Leglock. Okay, here goes.
Czohara grunts and pivots, twisting one
of Mullen's legs against the other.
Petty Officer Czohara: I don't hear you banging on the deck and begging for mercy.
Petty Officer Mullen: Well, duh, it isn't working. Let me try it on you.
They switch positions, Czohara now lying on the deck,
Mullen standing with a foot between Czohara's
legs and holding one of Czohara's feet.
Mullen standing with a foot between Czohara's
legs and holding one of Czohara's feet.
Petty Officer Mullen: Okay, I'm gonna hold on and twist, but I'm also gonna crouch down to get some extra leverage. Ready?
Petty Officer Czohara: Ready as anyone can be who's about to be subjected to the most humiliating maneuver known to the world of professional wrestling. Go ahead.
MUCM Davenport enters and watches as Mullen grunts,
pivots and crouches, twisting Czohara's legs.
pivots and crouches, twisting Czohara's legs.
Petty Officer Mullen: Okay, how's that? Are you in excruciating pain?
Petty Officer Czohara: No, but it's humiliating.
Petty Officer Mullen: It is?
Petty Officer Czohara: Well, I'm lying on the deck with your butt six inches from my face and half the Show Band watching, so, yeah, it's pretty humiliating.
Petty Officer Mullen: Well, that's a start.
MUCM Davenport shakes his head
and walks off the quarterdeck.
and walks off the quarterdeck.
MUCM Davenport: What hath God wrought...
---------- The curtain falls. ----------
