Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Service Record: Frank Mullen III

NOV74-FEB75: Boot Camp, Great Lakes Naval Training Center.

Highlights included:

  • No bowel movement for the first ten days.
  • Arrived late to chow hall on Thanksgiving for holiday dinner of cold hot dogs and Jello.
  • Threw up during a training movie featuring extreme close-up shots of what can happen to your weenie when you consort with loose women while on liberty.
    • FEB75-JUN75: School of Music, Basic Course.

      Noteworthy achievement:

      • Named "Student of the Month" despite documented record of instrumental practice averaging 30 seconds per week.

      JUN75-MAY77: Navy Band San Francisco.

      Special mention by Commanding Officer, Naval Support Activity SanFran, after surprise inspection of enlisted barracks:

      • "Seaman Mullen's room is the filthiest space I have seen in 27 years in the Navy."

      MAY77-JUN78: Navy Band Newport.


      • As keyboard player for rock band Long Island Sound: break up fights.
      • As staff arranger: come to work on paydays.

      JUL78-DEC78: School of Music, Intermediate Course.


      • Reamed out by MUCM Jim Thumpston less frequently than other classmates.

      JAN79-JAN82: School of Music, piano instructor.

      Collateral duties:

      • Dirty Tricks Petty Officer: directed midnight raid on Army barracks that resulted in 300 soldiers waking up on the morning of the annual Army/Navy game with high hopes and no toilet paper.
      • Change-for-a-dollar Petty Officer of the Command: maintained adequate stock of coins so officers could purchase peanut butter cups from vending machines.
      • Petty Officer in Charge of Shaking Commanding Officer's Hand With Joy Buzzer While Receiving "Staff Member of the Year" award: self-explanatory.

      JAN82-JUN85: Navy Band Newport.

      Major achievements:

      • Developed miniature golf course in band office area. Operated tournaments culminating in sudden-death playoffs on the 18th hole, a par-4, teeing off from passageway outside gear locker, followed by blind dog-leg through MUCM Davenport's office, a risky rebound off the the wall into bandmaster's office and delicate chip-shot into the styrofoam coffee cup under Mr. Chesson's desk.

      JUL85-JAN86: School of Music, Advanced Course.


      • No.


      • Inability to control baton in subdivided 6/8 pattern due to weakness caused by loss of blood after being repeatedly stabbed in back by conducting instructor.

      FEB86-AUG87: 7TH Fleet Band, Yokosuka, Japan.

      Primary Responsibility:

      • Conduct band at concerts and ceremonies before high-ranking dignitaries.


      Anonymous said...

      Frank; you could have mentioned the "Gay Ninetys Pizza Parlor" as a sub-heading under NAVBND SF!!!
      Frank the T-boner

      Anonymous said...

      Or your clone at SOM