Come home, Phil

Dear Mr. Stacey,

I've just watched the video of your performance at the Mall of America. Is this the career trajectory you were envisioning when you won a few rounds on American Idol and decided to leave Navy music?

I'm just guessing, but this video makes a solo mall gig look like less fun than a mall gig with a Navy band. This is hard to imagine; Navy mall gigs are so close to the bottom of the Fun Ladder that it's hard to contemplate the existence of an even lower rung.

Phil, if you want to play in malls, have you forgotten that we MUs invented playing in malls?

We've never loved doing it, but it's part of the job, and we do it as a team. I guess it's about teamwork. Misery shared is misery lessened. Hell is a lot more endurable when you have shipmates roasting alongside you on the eternal rotisserie.

Come home to the Navy, Phil. You'll never again have to stand alone on an empty stage singing to karaoke accompaniment while the red-faced assistant manager of the Gap is shaking his fist because you're blocking access to his store.

Not that those indignities will disappear if you come back to the Navy. They won't. On your first mall gig, the head clerk of Sharper Image will start pounding on the edge of the stage, screamingthat the music is too loud and he's losing customers to Best Buy.

But you won't suffer alone. You'll do it with your shipmates. Come home, Phil. When it comes to mall gigs, Navy bands are the pros.

In fact, to a lot of people we're the real American Idols.

Sincerely,

The MUs